Random things heard in the elevator

"So I took a break from the computer and couldn't feel my legs..."

You know what I hate?

When you're looking at a website and they have a tiny thumbnail photo of thier product with a link that says "Click to Enlarge". You click it and a pop-up window appears with the same sized photo. Thanks for that. It helps immensely.

This, I hate. Oh, and bad elevator manners... I hate that too. Wait for me to get off the friggin thing before you clamber on, pushing your way past me.

And don't stand in the fucking doorway in public places... like sheep, these herds enter and stop immediately to look around in amazement. Look, the pretty lights, the sounds? Deer in the headlight. Walk in, orientate yourself out of the way of everybody else. Makes sense to me. Am I taking crazy pills?

Wake up America. Get off your cellphone and drive. Take that ridiculous blue tooth earpiece out of your head and pay attention. What, are you scanning all communication channels? Open a fucking frequency to common sense. That shit bugs me too.

Beat Me

But then they danced down the street like dingledodies,
and I shambled after
as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me,
because the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everthing at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn,
burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across
the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop
and everyone
goes "awww!"

Jack Kerouac

Ancient Rant: Swirling the Bowl

Yea, and verily I say unto thee, get behind me Shaitan! Foul nether-demon, with the swimmers build... I forsake thy name unto thou. For it is written that on the twenty second day of the ninth month, of the 2000th year of our lord, should all thine sheep and Shepard’s take up swords and ice picks and march forward then back again, (lets hear it for Velvet on the center stage) strike thee down with supreme dislike and a wretched mood the likes of which have been foretold in the days of yore... and thus, the sweet baby looked up and with a tiny bit of drivel escaping the infant mouth, a foul stench arouse and consumed all that beheld him. For on that day, in that place, for that time, and for all time, the baby Jennings crapped forth from the womb of a crack whore to roam the earth, clucking, and plucking, and humping and booty dancing like tinky wink on speedballs with a bourbon back. and on the seventh day of luminant, the stocks did fall. and in falling, so fell several of the minor demons who where just standing there, leaning against the stocks, not paying attention, when all of a sudden, wham. The shit hit the fan. The fecal blast in the face. But isn't that how life is? When you least expect it, the person you expect the least will fuck you in the ass without benefit of lubrication, prostate massage (to get you in the mood) or forewarning...

So, tonight, this weekend, as you kick back your adult beverage of choice, be it beer, vodka, rum, or semen, give a nod to the all-being. Pay a small tribute. For one day, that same all-knowing supreme unit will cast a gaze unto your sick, twisted little ass and fuck you up, but good. I know. It happened to me. Now look at me. Clucking, and sucking and snorting and eating.... is this all there is to life, Manny? This is it. Sleep well tonight. Tip your waitress and have your dogs and cats spayed and neutered... don't spit into the wind, don't answer your wife when she asks if her ass is too big, don't piss off restaurant industry personnel until after you've received your food... dream the impossible dream.

Oh, though I walk thru the valley of poo, i shall fear no boll weevils...

...And unto the earth a great rumbling aroseth. Within all the bars, a sound of seven bells sounds - each with seven songs sounding so sweet so as to succumb to the sirens of seduction of cervesa. Alas, the mongrels with fire in their eyes having been burned for a thousand and seven days
saw that the cervesa was sound. And it was good."
(Falstaff 14:2-4)

" Why do you walk with so much clamor & untruth to your kind?"
"(thuk) (thuk) FffFt. (kh...) FffFt. (kh...)"
"But, The Cheech, you speak not in the tongue of Mutahn? Are you not of the blood of Mutahn?"
"Pp-ppbbthmnhah.... (thuk) (thuk-thuk) *dhat* *dhat* *dhat*"

The Cheech, climbing upon limbs & hips of the fair virgins within the sound of his voice, anointed (anointy-nointy) with oils his followers so that they could truly see the dance of Mon-khee, the
forbidden-but-we'll-let-it-go-this-time dance.
(Flashdance 2:25)

Cubicle Feculence

Office Phone Conversation Overheard
(already in progress)

yes yes
fantastic
lick lick
what an interesting aroma springing out of your sphincter... lick
snif
magnificent much like yourself
pucker
smooch
reacharound
quick jerk
jerk jerk jerk
and
report
casual joke
insincere laugh
spinning in herman miller chair
giggling
deep breathe
release
i'll get back to you on that
bye now

I think I thought...

I went to have a smoke today. As I was lighting my cigarette, I noticed a man walking up from the parking lot. It looked a lot like one Bradley Hill. Yes, that Bradley Hill. However, this construct had much more hair, albeit trimmed very short, and was considerably thinner. Like a much younger Brad Hill. It was dressed much the same way Brad dressed in the day… hetero-sensual. Casual, clingy sweater, brightly colored. Jeans, dress shoes… the type of guy who could slip into homosexuality if but pushed but a tiny bit.

This was not my Brad Hill. It clumsily entered the building. Bewildered. As if seeing shapes and colors clearly for the first time.

I finished my smoke and wandered into the building. As I approached the elevators, this Brad Hill doppelganger was just exiting the same elevator. Still confused and obviously unsure of where he’s going.

So much like Brad Hill.

Note: Brad Hill's name was changed to protect the real Brad Hill.

Welcome!

Hidee hi, one and all... this here's my blogamajig. My advisors tell me it's the way of the future!

Ok Junior, what do I do now?